Bodh Gaya & vipassana meditation

Today has been a rough day, which truly tested my vipassana skills...- i'm only writing this because I've missed my train with my friends but i'm also grateful for an opportunity to write about the past 2 weeks which have been amazing in so many way (both solo time & ensuing group time with some really cool people (we're a team of a Dutch, Danish, Brazilian & Korean:)...

'India can make you both lose yourself and find yourself,' Kunming Katie wrote me in an email, and i've definitely come out changed after 10 days of vipassana meditation (which is also obvious as nothing is permanent). In short, in the midst of hours and hours of sitting and meditating (and many times observing my mind wander), i've become more sensitive and aware of my sensations and mind (as well as ego), had a brief glimpse of nirvana (total dissolution of the body) on the sixth day, discovered one of Buddhism's noble truths that nothing is permanent experientially, and now i see all solid matter as vibrations and waves (which is also supported by modern physics).

When i decided to go in, i did not know what to expect. I was a little scared of not being able to talk, read, write or run, and when i saw the daily schedule which consisted of over 10 hours of sitting meditation everyday that started at 4am, i was pretty seriously worried that I would come out schizophrenic as my friends joked about. Or if not schizophrenic, i was afraid of coming out a changed person- i liked having an active mind and i did not want to lose my characteristics such as intelligence, personality, sense of humor and drive. Nevertheless, these worries were unnecessary, as i've come out reasonably sane (or i hope so...:). I've learned that havnig a calm mind is compatible with living a passionate life and can even promote it, as equanimous mind helps one engage actively with the world rather than react to the stimulations from the world.

The first day flew by. I was told to just focus on my breathing and the sensation in a tiny space between my upper lip and the nose, and although it was boring and my mind wandered everywhere, it was novel thing to do and when the end-of-the-day bell rang at 9pm, i collapsed onto my day reasonably happily. But the second day was not so easy. Realizing that i was gonna be living this routine for the next 10 days, i just wanted to get out. So i got all my bags from the locker and got ready to go. But i wanted to be polite to the teacher and went to talk to him to inform him that i'm gonnna be leaving, but then he urged me to stay on, as it will be good for me. He told me the second day and the sixth day are the hardest, and soon my misery would pass. Immediately after the conversation, i was pretty mad at the teacher- who's he to tell me i can't leave- but then now i'm grateful. But from then on, my life became a little easier, as I regained all the temptations (books, notebook and pen) i had locked up away from my room and i watered down the course a little bit meditating for only 6-7 hours a day and spending some time reading & writing.

On a side note, i had a really productive & creative time during the course. I secretly practiced my harmonica, developed this crazy exercise you can do secretly in your room that mixes running on the spot, donig jumping jacks, skipping and dancing to your own music, developed a thing for bird-watching (in my next life i want to be reincarnated as a bird), finished a wonderful book (one of my favorites now) called 'Theo's Odessey' that Zoe gave me (Theo travels around the world learning about various religious traditions just as I am this year!), as well as Alan Watts' 'still the mind,' a little bit of the bible, a book on 'designing social website' and 'cartoon introduction to wine' (i guess reading about alcohol was my way to deal with no intoxicant rule...:) . And i've also come up with more than a dozen entrepreneurial ideas that i'm hoping will keep me from having a real job- and after the course i want to provide these services for free as well- i just need enough money to travel for most of the year with a woman i love (note: if you're into entrepreneurship then talk to me and maybe we can create something cool together... :)

Going back to Buddhism, through my meditation and daily one hour evening discourses by my teacher Mr Goenka, i've learned & experienced quite a lot of Buddhism and here are some of the reasons why i like it- (and i think I'm definitely incorporating buddhism into a part of my identity like endocytosis and i think i can call myself christian-buddhist now... :)

Buddhism is scientific:

Although Buddhism has its dogmas, these dogmas are not to for belief but for experimenting through meditation- which in vipassana consists of observing mind's reactions to sensations throughout the body- Buddhism really delves into the question of mind/body connection and tries to approach it experientially. It's amazing that Buddha knew all solid matter are waves by observing himself long before physicists discovered the fact scientifically.

Buddhism is existentialist:

In Buddhism, you are only miserable because of yourself and not because of anybody else or any external causes. Sensations come and go, but if you develop a really equanimous mind, you're not influenced by fleeting pleasant or unpleasant sensations but can always live in control of your actions & emotions. You can't control what life throws at you becuase of your karma (Sartre said one is 'thrust into existence'), but you are free (existentialists love this..:) to react to these and make your own life.

Buddhism is Christian

Jesus would be considered a great 'bodhisattva' by Buddhists- one of the foremost thing in Buddhism is 'compassion' for all living beings. (notice this extends beyond humans). Like Christianity, it also shares paradoxes that i love- Jesus said that the 'first shall be last and the last first' and 'you will only live if you give up your life' - and similarly Buddha said 'if you crave nirvana you will never reach it. You need to let go of all your desires to reach nirvana" and only by 'emptying one's mind does one find oneself.' Buddha loved his enemies just as Christ did- and said they were acting in a hostile way out of 'ignorance' just as Jesus did.

Buddhism is also NOT Christian

It was also interesting to hear a story about how Buddha cured the grief of a woman who lost her son- Jesus would have brought the son back to life- but Buddha told the woman i will bring your son back to life if you get some sesame seeds from a family who have lost one of its members. The woman went around the whole village but came back with her hands empty, but realized that everyone experiences death of oneself and others whom they love- then she was ready to receive dharmma and reach nirvana. And I think another difference is in terms of passion- Buddha did not seem to like being attached to anything and therefore passion was bad- but Jesus's passion, and love for humanity was so great that despite knowing that he would have to suffer a lot if he is too passionate and loves too much (as nothing is permanent as Buddhism says and human beings are the most fickle and rebellious things ever), God still loved humanity so much and was even willing to sacrifice himself (or/and his son). So far I like Jesus's approach of super passion- although I know I'm gonna be disappointed if i care/ love too much, i want to keep loving/caring too much but hopefully I'll also have Buddha's equanimity when I'm upset.

The last night, when our 'noble silence' turned into 'noble talk,' I was curious to see how myself and others around me would have changed. My voice sounded weird at first, but I became used to it. And it was also interesting to see how quickly guys' (guys and girls' residence were segregated) conversation degenerated into girls and s**... :) (but we also had a lot of fruitful and amazing conversation about our meditation experience as well) and then Me, Kenneth (Danish), Niels (Dutch), Alex (Brazilian) snuck into girls' residential quarter and tried to kidnap girls but we went there a little too late and all the girls seemed like they were asleep. And then we smoked some beeties and had some memorable conversation about life, time, stars, mind/body and i went to bed.

When I woke up the next morning (the day we left-I had slept through the morning meditation), I discovered that I got locked inside my room (Almost all Indian doors for some reason you can lock from outside... ). But i wasn't angry. I thought somebody must have been ignorant in one of the two ways- either he didn't know i was alseep, or he thought bringing misery unto others would make him happy which is definitely not true :)

Afterwards, although i had booked my ticket to leave that day, i decided to stay with my friends for one more day in Bodh Gaya- they were 45, 33 and 28 years old, but really fun to travel with. I revisited Mahabodhi temple (where Buddha reached Enlightenment) and there was a huge ceremony with tons of monks so it was really pretty to see all the maroon/orange/crimson/red colors. I also meditated a little in front of the Bodhi tree and i could definitely feel strong vibrations (i think chinese people call this 'qi') around the area, which was amazing. Then we did a little more meditating at the Japanese Temple (Bodh Gaya has temples built by people from all around the world- so it's just fun to temple-hop and see all the different buddhist architecture styles as well)- and that was in zen style so a little different from vipassana (it had continuous drumming, chanting and bell ringing) but it was still exciting. In the evening, we celebrated Niel's 45th birthday (me and Alex secretly got him an Indian cake which was not very good so we cut it up and gave it to all the begging kids). At night, we also went on a hand-powered viking (there was a tiny amusement park near my hotel) which was surprisingly fun.

The next morning, I went for a run and fortunately ran into a Korean monk in the Korean temple (which i have to admit was not very impressive). But we did have some very interesting conversation and he told me that us Koreans didnt' have a fancy temple because we were not a Buddhist country like Thailand, and he also pointed out that Korean buddhism didn't have its own character like Japan or Tibet. Buddhism moved from China to Korea to Japan, and while the Japanese people have developed their own style, us Koreans just imitated the Chinese and our buddhism still resembled that of China. But on the upside, just as vipassana which was created in India was lost for long before it was reintroduced by a Burman (Mr Goenka), Chinese had lost a lot of their Buddhist heritage during the communist era and us Koreans were in good position to reintroduce the Chinese Buddhism.

Then I bought a ton of Tibetan prayer flags and other decorations (as Tibetan prayer flags is one of my entrepreneurial ideas- I think Tibetan prayer flags are cool decoration for rooms/ houses/ gardens and it's good to as as wind blows, it says a prayer for you. I want to set up an organization that links Tibetans with western consumers who are fascinated by tibetan buddhism so i can empower them ecnomically- and it will also satisfy the West's hunger for spirituality and i want to educate people about tibetan buddhism too- and maybe even personalized prayer flags...), and sent them to Korea. My mom was pretty angry by how much tea i had bought and she's not gonna be happy about the prayer flags but oops it's too late.

Soon i'm catching a train to go off to Varanasi, moving from Buddhist holy land to Hindu holy land, and i look forward to seeing the ghats along the Ganges River.